Finding out my first boyfriend cheated on me was the most heartbreaking experience I had at the time. I genuinely believed our love was everlasting, so when I caught him kissing a coworker who also had a boyfriend, I was left with no option but to rush out of his apartment. For the next two weeks, I tried desperately to save our relationship, thinking it was the mature thing to do.
Interestingly, infidelity is a leading cause of divorce. Studies suggest that between 2% to 4% of married people have had affairs within the first year. However, infidelity doesn’t always spell the end of a relationship. In fact, as the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy states, many couples choose to stay together after such incidents. Sometimes, couples even find their relationship stronger and more connected after undergoing therapy.
But why do people cheat? Understanding the reasons can be enlightening. In my heartbreak, I labeled my ex as a terrible person, destined for a life of sorrow. However, sex therapist Vanessa Marin explains that infidelity isn’t so black and white. She points out that people who cheat are not necessarily bad individuals. There are many reasons someone might stray, and it’s not always due to an unhappy relationship.
For example, a woman named Gloria cheated because she felt trapped in a relationship her partner refused to end. Cheating offered her a way out, but Marin emphasizes that infidelity is rarely straightforward. Sometimes, satisfied partners still cheat, not because they’re missing something in their relationship, but because they’re grappling with personal issues like low self-esteem.
If your partner cheats on you, it’s crucial to realize it’s not a reflection of your value. Often, infidelity has less to do with the person being cheated on and more with the partner seeking attention or excitement elsewhere.
Dealing with betrayal is incredibly tough, and seeking therapy can help you process your feelings. Marin advises allowing yourself to feel devastated, but remember that it’s often more about your partner’s struggles than your shortcomings.
Whether to stay with a partner after they’ve cheated is a personal decision. If both parties are willing to work through the aftermath, therapy can help rebuild trust and commitment.
For those who have cheated, it’s important to confront the discomfort and acknowledge the breach of trust. Gloria, who cheated, felt like the “bad guy” and learned from the experience. It’s vital to reflect and grow from it rather than dwelling in self-condemnation.
Cheating offers a lesson in self-awareness. The phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater” doesn’t have to be true if one reflects and changes. Gloria found strength from her experience, moving on to a healthier relationship built on firmer boundaries.
Wondering if I could move on after losing my ex to another, the answer is yes—it required significant effort to rebuild trust in dating again. Therapy helped me understand that experiencing infidelity isn’t the end, though it might feel like it at first.
If you’re facing infidelity in your relationship, remember it likely revolves more around your partner’s issues than your own worth. Therapy can be a helpful resource to navigate the emotional turmoil, either for yourself or as a couple.
